The love and support my family has received over the last few days is truly amazing. Thanks to everyone who has moved our family to the top of their prayer lists.
She also said: “This was the first morning in a week where I didn’t wake up and immediately think about John killing himself, overdosing or getting arrested.”
My mom admitted those thoughts returned before she finished her first cup of coffee, but she said, “it wasn’t the first thing I thought about when I opened my eyes.”
It’s going to be a process – that’s one thing we’ve already realized. My sister wrote a heart-felt blog post, comparing it to a marathon – instead of a sprint. She’s right.
I wanted to share a couple other realizations that we’ve had since Mother’s Day:
There’s a Traffic Jam on this Wicked, Twisted Road
We’ve realized that we are not the only family living this nightmare. It’s comforting to know we are not alone, but also very tragic.
I had countless number of people share stories of siblings, parents and friends who’ve battled addiction. I even had a friend share her personal story about beating meth through treatment. She wrote:
“Amazing to think that I was putting ‘Drano’ in my veins… It was my choice to live… I quit after 1 1/2 yrs of abuse… Today I am challenged, but strong.”
I try to focus on the happy stories like that, BUT I know it’s not always a “butterfly-and-rainbows” ending. I appreciate the heartbreaking stories as well. They keep me diligent in prayer and make me honor the bottom-line consequences that I laid out for John.
I should probably address that right now…because of my ultimatum, I will no longer refer to John as “my brother.” I explained this in the letter I read to him on Mother’s Day:
If you choose to refuse our offer of treatment today, you will not be able to use the title “brother” when telling people about me and the relationship we used to have. AND I promise not to call you “brother” when I tell the story about a remarkable man who chose his addiction over his family.
If you can say “no” – 15, 16, 17 times today – you have NO idea what it means to be a brother (or a son, or a husband, or an uncle or a friend for that matter.)
I read these words as tears streamed down my face. When he “respectively” declined, I couldn’t help but sob.
My other consequences for John:
– No more contact (“I will delete your number from cell phone today”);
– “You will not be my son’s Godfather any longer.”
– – –
Dirty Laundry & No Regrets
Another thing I’ve already realized, there are some people that question our actions and motives as a family.
One friend said, “I just don’t want you to have any regrets if something bad happens.”
My earnest response: “The only thing I’ll regret is if I coddle him, enable him to live this destructive lifestyle, and THEN. HE. DIES.”