My ‘Letter of Love’ to a Meth Addict

John II Feature

The love and support my family has received over the last few days is truly amazing. Thanks to everyone who has moved our family to the top of their prayer lists.

I know my mom and dad are extremely grateful. It’s still very early in the healing process, but my mom said yesterday: “Just knowing so many people care is helping mend my broken heart.”

She also said: “This was the first morning in a week where I didn’t wake up and immediately think about John killing himself, overdosing or getting arrested.”

My mom admitted those thoughts returned before she finished her first cup of coffee, but she said, “it wasn’t the first thing I thought about when I opened my eyes.”

It’s going to be a process – that’s one thing we’ve already realized. My sister wrote a heart-felt blog post, comparing it to a marathon – instead of a sprint. She’s right.

I wanted to share a couple other realizations that we’ve had since Mother’s Day:

There’s a Traffic Jam on this Wicked, Twisted Road

We’ve realized that we are not the only family living this nightmare. It’s comforting to know we are not alone, but also very tragic.

I had countless number of people share stories of siblings, parents and friends who’ve battled addiction. I even had a friend share her personal story about beating meth through treatment. She wrote:

“Amazing to think that I was putting ‘Drano’ in my veins… It was my choice to live… I quit after 1 1/2 yrs of abuse… Today I am challenged, but strong.”

I try to focus on the happy stories like that, BUT I know it’s not always a “butterfly-and-rainbows” ending. I appreciate the heartbreaking stories as well. They keep me diligent in prayer and make me honor the bottom-line consequences that I laid out for John.

I should probably address that right now…because of my ultimatum, I will no longer refer to John as “my brother.” I explained this in the letter I read to him on Mother’s Day:

If you choose to refuse our offer of treatment today, you will not be able to use the title “brother” when telling people about me and the relationship we used to have. AND I promise not to call you “brother” when I tell the story about a remarkable man who chose his addiction over his family.

If you can say “no” – 15, 16, 17 times today – you have NO idea what it means to be a brother (or a son, or a husband, or an uncle or a friend for that matter.)

I read these words as tears streamed down my face. When he “respectively” declined, I couldn’t help but sob.

My other consequences for John:

– No more contact (“I will delete your number from cell phone today”);

– “You will not be my son’s Godfather any longer.”

– – –

Dirty Laundry & No Regrets

Another thing I’ve already realized, there are some people that question our actions and motives as a family.

One friend said, “I just don’t want you to have any regrets if something bad happens.”

My earnest response: “The only thing I’ll regret is if I coddle him, enable him to live this destructive lifestyle, and THEN. HE. DIES.”

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2 Comments on “My ‘Letter of Love’ to a Meth Addict”

  1. carol sue pier
    May 21, 2012 at 2:17 pm #

    drew i am an old soul mate of your mother .we went to crucis many years ago. it was your grandparents who took a young lost child of God and gave her hope many years ago. i was able to survive life because of them. judge and dean had such wisdom to share with me. recently i read that without God there is no wisdom for the heart has no wisdom. it is this wisdom from
    god that will that let you know what is best to do for and about john for if you lead with your heart you will not use wisom but emotion and that will not lead to help for john. i know all of this is hard but john is god’s child and we must have the wisdom to let go and let god. it does not mean that we do not care but it does mean that our faith in his wisdom is the peaceul thing to do. i pray for john and all of you hourly not only about john but that you all may have the strength and peace that passeth all understanding to live with this difficult situation in all your lives. you have my love even though you don’t know me well but i know the fites and together you all will be strong and hold each other tight as you live through this trying chapter in your lives. peace my child – carol sue pier

  2. Carla
    May 23, 2012 at 4:02 pm #

    Drew, my husband is an addictionalogist with extensive background and experience with this. You did the exact right thing in disconnecting. Remember tho, relapse is a part of recovery.

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