Confession 1: I’m guilty of teaching my son inappropriate things to say and do.
For example, when we see a pretty girl – he might bust out with a “hubba hubba.” Or if something doesn’t go his way – he might throw out a matter-of-fact “Oh, nuts!”
Harmless expressions from a 3-year-old that have the potential to get a chuckle from anyone in ear shot.
Confession 2: I’ve been teaching my son catch phrases from the greatest TV show of all-time, The Wire.
From time to time, he’ll drop an “indeed,” reply with “rippin’ and runnin’ ” when you ask him what he’s doing or refer to himself as a “hopper.”
I’ve even heard him walking around the house saying, “It’s Omar, yo! Omar comin’.”
What can I say…he’s a quick learner and he has a youthful appreciation for greatness. (It’s important for everyone to know that I have NOT let Crash watch The Wire, though. My wife doesn’t believe me.)
NOW…I’m sharing all of this because there have been some recent things come out of my son’s mouth that he did NOT hear from me.
I thought it was crucial to clear this up.
Incident No. 1: Evolution of the Nipple
I’ve never hesitated from throwing around the word “nipple.” My thought process: It’s NOT a nasty word and everyone has ‘em.
So, like Greg Focker…I say “nipples” – even around my son. I didn’t see the point pretending that they didn’t exist.
As he was learning his anatomy, we asked him about his nose, ears and feet. Nipples are just another body part, right? So…The Boy knows where his nipples are, how many he has and the fact he’s not supposed to play with them in public.
But he recently learned a new word for “nipples” – and again…he did NOT learn it from me.
The Story: His mom was getting him out of the bath and innocently inquired about the light brown areoles on his chest.
“What are those, Crash?” (I’m sure he was staring in the mirror naked giving them an innocent tweak.)
He responded with a word that rhymes with kitties.
Obviously, my wife was floored and looking for answers.
“Did you teach him that?”
I thought my “are you kidding me” facial expression would have been enough, but she asked again.
I responded with an adamant: “Hell, no!”