Family Meeting: This is MY Bed

We had an important family conference this morning.

Dad In TrainingHere were the details:

• Participants: Every member of Team Myers (me, TK, Crasher and Ily Belle)

• Time: 6:45 a.m.

• Location: My bed

• Discussion Item: “Why is everyone in my bed?!?!?!”

I wanted to share the transcript from that impromptu meeting.

ME: “OK…time for a family meeting.”

CRASH: “Mommy is still sleeping.”

ME: “She can hear me, but I really want to talk to you and your sister.”

CRASH: “Sister can’t talk.”

ME: “She can listen.”

<TK snoring>

CRASH: “I don’t want to listen. I’d rather talk.”

ME: “First item on the agenda is for you, Ms. Ily. You’re 6 months old now. Start. Acting. Like. It. There is NO reason to get up three or four times during the night. It was expected for the first few of months –– but it’s time to start sleeping all night.”

ILY (smiling): “Blah, blah, blah, pssssst.”

CRASH: “Ha. That’s funny. She said, ‘Blah, blah, pssssst’ ”

ME: “I’m being serious, sister! I’m tired of Mommy yelling at me in the middle of the night. If I hear her say ‘Daddy, you’re up’ one more time, I’m going to spank your little butt.”

CRASH: “Let’s spank her now!”

ME: “Do you understand, Ms. Ily?”

ILY (smiling): “Psssst.”

ME: “Now…Mr. Crash.”

CRASH: “Yes, sir.”

ME: “Every morning when I wake up, you’re in my bed.”

CRASH: “I know.”

ME: “Why?”

CRASH: “Because I love you.”

ME: “This is a business meeting. You’re not allowed to play the ‘cute card.’ You’re a big boy, now, and big boys sleep in their own beds all night.”

CRASH: “I’m not that big.”

ME: “You’re not? You’re almost 4 years old. You can practically drive.”

CRASH: “Your eyebrows are bigger than mine.”

<TK snickering>

ME: “Mommy and I are married and we need to sleep in our bed. Alone. Sometimes we have early-morning discussions that aren’t appropriate for kids.”

TK: “Drew!”

ILY (smiling): “Blee, blee, blah.”

ME: “Crash, you’re eventually going to graduate from high school and leave, but Mommy and I are still going to be here married and hopefully still having the occasional early-morning discussions.”

CRASH: “Where am I going to go?”

ME: “College…military…find a job…start your own family…”

CRASH: “I could live with you and Mommy forever.”

ME: “Uh, hell no.”

CRASH: “I like living with you and Mommy.”

ME: “You won’t when you’re 18.”

CRASH: “I will when I’m twenty ten.”

ME: “If you still think twenty ten is an actual number when you’re 18 years old, you might be living with us. You definitely won’t be going to college.”

CRASH: “I can go to Texas Tech.”

ME (giggling): “That’s true.”

ILY (smiling): “Psssst.”

ME: “Now, let’s review. Ily, you’re going to start sleeping all night. Crash, you’re going to be a big boy and start sleeping in your bed all night.”

CRASH: “Why don’t you like sleeping with me, Daddy?”

ME: “Because you kick me in the face and punch me in the groin.”

CRASH: “What’s a groin?”

ME: “Cookies, business, crotch, nuts…”

TK: “Drew!”

CRASH: “Ha. You said nuts!”

ILY (smiling): “Ga, ga, blah, peww.”

CRASH: “Is our meeting over? I’ve been awake for twenty ten minutes, and I’m starving.”

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